Terrifying Moments

What is fear?

What makes a person truly frightened?
Worrying so much that one can just mentally breakdown instantly.
Thinking of countless solutions that may have the slightest possibilities to solve the matter.
Leaving a person so fragile,
and only hoping that he/she can strive so as to survive even longer.

I have experienced that kind of emotions.

My dad and I are very close to each other.
He loves me alot and I do too. (Of course I love myself.)
He is the greatest father that anyone could wish for.

Always there to buy food for me when I am hungry.
Always there when I needed any parental advice.
Always there to support me whenever
I needed some cash.

My father had showered me with so much love that I feel like putting myself cuddly in his arms and sucking from a milk bottle, with my enlarged eyes looking directly at him.
I want to remain this close to him my entire life.
And he will always be my noble saviour.

Because of a certain motive, my dad blew up his temper 3 days ago on Monday night. He was so angry that he started shouting at me for no apparent reason. I was actually sleeping when he shut my door with a loud thud and awaking me after that. I rose up from my bed like a zombie and opened the door to see what was going on. My vision was blur and my sense of hearing wasn't any better at that time. I could vaguely see my father sitting on the sofa and babbling out some sentences. What I could tell from all that he had said was that from the next day onwards, he was no longer driving me to my workplace.
I remembered asking him why in a very soft tone.
He then told me that there wasn't a reason and repeated himself another time.

'Mia zai gah gee ke zo gang!'

I pretended as though I was totally innocent and looked at my mother hoping that she could say something which could help me out. I turned to her and she wasn't even facing me the least bit. She was practically glued to the TV screen and not giving a damn even if I were to jump out of the window straight away in a tensed situation like this.
To avoid wasting anymore time, I returned back to my room and laid down on the bed.
My eyes were closed tight and back in sleeping mode but my mind was not.
Thoughts were running wild in my head and there was no way I could fall asleep.

'What if my dad meant what he said?'
'Why suddenly like this?'
'Should I set my own alarm or not?'
'Should I just go out and reason out with him?'

I was basically confused and not knowing what to do best.
I called Annabelle on her handphone and realised it was not a good timing from the tone of her voice.
The only person whom I could relate to and she was going to sleep already.

'Aiyah fuck it lah.'
I thought to myself.
I set an early alarm and tried my best to sleep.
Whether my dad was going to drive me to work or not, waking up early wouldn't be of any risk.

The following morning, I was awakened by my dad calling out to me. I stood up and checked the time on my handphone. It was about 5.40am and even my own alarm haven't rang yet. As soon as I got up and started walking to the kitchen, I saw my dad jumping back onto his bed and laying there motionless.
It was then that I knew he was serious and there wasn't any way for me to get a lift from him that morning. I washed myself up and got dressed up for work. I walked to the MRT station and at the same time, still thinking why the hell this was happening to me.

Coincidentally, I saw Yean in the station waiting for the train to arrive.
He saw me from a distance and started smiling, followed by asking me the million dollar question.

'Eh? First time see you take MRT leh.'
'How come never sit your father's car?'

I told him what happened and also the reason why my father was so pissed off.

It was because I kept eating and sleeping straight after that all the time and not doing any exercises. I was beginning to eat more as my belly grew bigger. I was becoming so much fatter that my father had to check on me to ensure I had proper digestion before going to bed.
It was due to the continuous times I neglected his words and carried on lazing around that caused a volcano eruption.

Yes.

My father didn't want to send me to work anymore because he wanted me to exercise more,
even if it meant walking to the MRT station.
I was too fucking lazy for him to accept.

Yean gave out a loud laugh after knowing that such scenarios could possibly happen.
Well...
A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

I braced up my confidence,
and went to work by myself on Tuesday and Yesterday.
But ironically, my dad offered to give me a ride again this morning.
It seemed that he had cooled down and forgiven all my deadly sins.
He knew that I had been through hell and that I should have learnt my lesson.

Thank God.
Now I don't have to cut my wrist anymore.