Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Boy meets World

Looks can be deceiving.

Never judge a book by it's cover.
Never judge a boob by it's cover.

Unless you are going to open it up and further explore it before coming to a conclusion.

I am 27 this year.
But I look like a full grown baby.
So cute and chubby, just only learning how to crawl properly.

I am not sure whether it's a good thing or not.
Perhaps both.

Good meaning somewhere down the road like 20, 30 years later,
I still look the same, except that I might restrain myself from misbehaving at times.

Bad as in nobody will ever offer their seat to me even when I am in my late 80's.
It doesn't really bother me a bit,
since most likely I would be sitting on another stranger's lap anyway.

I don't have much time to write true life stories about myself anymore.
Given the fact that I stay in the East corner of Singapore and my workplace is somewhere in Toa Payoh.
It aint that bad when you compare to those who are jobless but actually wake up early to queue for a Today newspaper.

Tampines is one of the worst station to be boarding a train in the morning.
In order to get a seat,
One has to stand in front of the yellow line before the train stops.
One has to stand in front of the door so close that you can see the nostril hair of the person going to alight.
One has to stand still even though there are people rushing out and struggling to brush pass your both sides.
It is then when one dashes inside to the nearest empty seat with full speed.

Bare in mind that using this technique,
the chances of obtaining it is still less than 20 percent.
Due to those bastards wearing school uniforms and usually in groups of 4 and above.
There are so many of them around, but I can't seem to find a nest anywhere nearby. Some are so hardcore that they managed to make themselves comfortable in the seats when their stop is like only 3 or 4 stations away. By the time they got up, there were already countless olympic gold medalist aunties waiting. It's partly their fault for letting those travelling much further like myself to stand instead of having a good rest on somebody else's shoulder.

What they do every morning is unforgivable.
Not only do they need to be caned in public,
their privates deserve to be smashed.

Office work is great.
Air-con, computers and probationary paper work.
There is an assistant doing the paper work for us but I actually volunteered to do them myself.
It's good to show others that I am hardworking and sincere in learning new things that I have never done before.

Like bondage and stuffs.

Building a strong bond with my colleagues and boss is very important.
Not only for now but all the time, anywhere so to speak.

My boss is a split personality kind of guy.
He is 40 this year and he still cracks lame jokes sometimes,
which I admire.
But he can also scold the shit out of a person even though the person is not full of shit.
He is a very intelligent person I would say.
And I really did learn alot of things from him till date.

I discovered his Friendster profile by searching his full name,
which I am sure alot of people do when they are fantasizing about that particular person in mind.
One must be mad to think that I am so curious about my boss that I managed to come upon his existence in my own room on the PC.
Like as if seeing him every working day wasn't enough.

I was just abit horny.
That's all.

Actually I didn't click on his profile at all.
I did not dare to risk that he was using a anonymous setting which he wouldn't even know if anyone checked him out.
He may be using the exposed option and God knows what he may think of me after that.

'Wah Nabei, this guy'
'So Kaypoh one ah...'
'Heng I never post nude photos of myself with only my shower cap on...'

Because of this awkward way of thinking, I might be kept under a closer observation on my working performance.
Mainly to see if I am capable of keeping his secret from my surrounding colleagues.

I have to attend meetings all the time.
Which I find is a waste of time when there are always no issues raised.
It's not like I want any mishaps to be stirring up but I am beginning to feel rebellious.
It aint cool to be putting your work aside just to walk to another building to take attendance and return.

My work is rushing against office hours.
Which means to say I can't get anything done when everyone else has already gone home.
Which means to say I won't be able to finish my work even if I stay till midnight at my desk.
I need information and I circulate them, among people.

There was once when I had 46 unread mails when I worked till 6.30 pm on a Friday.
It was already 1 hour after my official release and yet I didn't have the time to open up my presents to read them.
I didn't have the courage to open them up and the only thing that I was brave enough to do, was using the sneak preview option to view some of the contents inside.
I knew that hell would come on the following Monday and sure it did.

Around 60 over unread mails when I logged in that dreadful morning.
It would be a totally different thing if those were actually Fan mails.
But I guess they were not.
So not cool.

I think it's nothing compared to a person with relevant experience.
They would probably just tender their resignation the next day.

What do you call a Friday which is a non-working day.

A Good Friday.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Battle of Thermopylae

In the Battle of Thermopylae of 480 BC, an alliance of Greek city-states fought the invading Persian army at the pass of Thermopylae in central Greece. Vastly outnumbered, the Greeks held back the enemy in one of the most famous last stands of history. A small force led by King Leonidas of Sparta blocked the only road through which the massive army of Xerxes I could pass.

After three days of battle a local resident named Ephialtes betrayed the Greeks, revealing a mountain path that led behind the Greek lines. Dismissing the rest of the army, King Leonidas stayed behind with 300 Spartans and 700 Thespians volunteers. Though they knew it meant their own deaths, they held their position and secured the retreat of the other Greek forces.
The Persians succeeded in taking the pass but sustained heavy losses, extremely disproportionate to those of the Greeks. The fierce resistance of the Spartan-led army offered Athens the invaluable time to prepare for a naval battle that would come to determine the outcome of the war.

The subsequent Greek victory in the Battle of Salamis left much of the Persian navy destroyed. Xerxes was forced to flee to Asia and left his army in Greece under Mardonius, who was to meet the Greeks in battle for one last time. The Spartans and other Greek allies assembled at full strength and decisively defeated the Persians in the Battle of Plataea, putting an end to the Greco-Persian War and with that, Persian expansion into Europe.

The performance of the defenders at the battle of Thermopylae is often used as an example of the advantages of training, equipment and good use of terrain to maximize an army's potential, as well as a symbol of courage against overwhelming odds. The heroic sacrifice of the Spartans and the Thespians has captured the minds of many throughout the ages and has given birth to many cultural references as a result.

'Before this battle is over, the world will know that Few stood against Many.'

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Lunar Stories

I met up with the usual group 2 weeks ago on a friday.

It was actually quite a coincidence.
I was meeting Annabelle to go shopping for her shoes at Far East while little did I know that the rest of the escapees from Woodbridge were in town too.
I waited for some time before she arrived at Orchard Mrt. I did try to contact a few others before that and managed to find out that they were either already dwelling in town, or on the way there.

What's more shocking was that Brandon was one of the people.
Given the fact that he's been to town for only like around 20 times in his whole life.
Ever since he heard the news about bombings and SARs, he has been avoiding crowded places almost completely.
He doesn't shop for new clothes.
I bet his undies are like 20 years old too, with a genuine smell of maturity.

I couldn't believe it,
but I had to admit that my friends were actually following me, copying where I went.
It was too good to be coincidental.
Xuguang and Mike were at Far East while I was still waiting for Annabelle to reach.

I didn't want to go there and meet them first because I was afraid that they were still busy fondling with each other.
It was only when Annabelle met up with me then we went to Far East to meet up with the two of them.
It was our own plan initially.
So even if we were to come upon them and they were still rubbing against each other, we could just pretend that we saw nothing and continued walking further.

Alyssa came soon afterwards and all 5 of us had dinner at this Japanese restaurant. After having our meals, Brandon, Ivan and Alex came over to Far East to join us.

Ivan looked totally different when I first saw him that night. He was wearing formal and it was so unlikely of him.
He looked like some CEO of a big company,
who got sacked on the first day.

Annabelle saw him and whispered into my ears.

'I thought I saw Mark Lee'.

The truth was,
he attended some job interviews earlier on so he wanted to look as presentable as he could be.
Hope he gets into whichever company he applied for.
He deserves much better since he has already wasted so much of his time in this bad company of friends not inclusive of myself.

We went to Wisma to further shop around and Ivan's girlfriend, Jasmine made a short appearance before disappearing again.
She came to us with this package, with those kind of paper used to wrap Bah Kwa.
For a second, I really thought that she wanted us to try some of her Bah Kwa that she had queued for in Chinatown.

Brandon was excited and said,

'Wa Lao.. Amanda wanted this all along lor.'
'That time I actually wanted to buy for her one.'

As Jasmine opened up the package, the tone became softer accordingly.
It appeared to be a top that she had bought and not Bah Kwa like how it seemed right from the beginning.

Brandon became silent.
I was then confused as to whether Amanda was crazy over Bah Kwa or the top that Jasmine was holding on to.
All I know was that it's not a good idea to wrap something that somebody is going to wear with paper used for Bah Kwa as well.
Personally I think it's too oily for any human body to withstand it.

We rounded up that day by slacking at an old spot in Simpang Bedok.

Chinese New Year came and first it was the reunion dinner.
I had dinner with my family at this Kbox in Marine Parade.
It was inclusive of a room and buffet dinner.
Not to mention having a few talented stars among us.

It was a night of pure madness with everyone singing their hearts out to any old songs that they could think of. I didn't want them to feel competitively tensed that's why I kept my voice unheard.

Every now and then,
the worst kind of singing anybody could imagine would be heard.
Similiar to those strange noises produced by a cock early in the morning.

And my dad would still clap his hands and shout,
'Welcome to Hollywood!!!'

Such insanity.
What mattered most was that everyone did enjoy themselves.

Chinese New Year first day,

Collect Bonus.

Chinese New Year Second day,

Collect Bonus from another company.

I had declared myself Bankrupt in the Straits Times so all gambling activities were thus voided.

Do not be fooled by those who go around telling your relatives that they are working as bankers with a high income and great prospects.

They probably are,
but only during card games.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Goodbye My Love

I ask myself why.

What have I done to deserve this dreadful misery.
Why does it have to be me.
How could I have unforeseen this heart piercing incident.
When can I ever get over this tragedy,
and move on.

Over the pass recent days,
I have not been eating well.
No appetite for almost anything, except Hello Panda biscuits.
Never slept longer than 8 hours in the night,
thus waking up like 5 in the morning wondering whether to go for a round of Tai Chi before going to work or not.

I attempted suicide.


But I didn't succeed because I was too afraid to hold my breath for more than 5 minutes.

Thanks to you,
my life is being destroyed.

Maxtor 160gig hard disk.
Cyclic Redundancy Check error that involves at least 140gig of Days of our lives and Zhen Qing.

Even so, it's still as precious.
I have to keep it at somewhere safe.
It's too painful for me to let it go.

Better just leave it in my arse and not pulling it out.

Monday, January 22, 2007

New Horizon

Time passed so quickly.

Before I can actually realise what's going on, it's already the year 7724 3012AD.

Let me start off with a warm greeting to everyone.
And also a shower of my blessings to those who have their own resolutions for this new beginning.
Which is, to be frank...
A pack of bull.

It ponders me as to how people can have the same goals each year.
Either the goals take up like 3/4 of their lives to reach, or some are nearly impossible to achieve.
That is why resolutions are there to constantly remind them not to give up and pursue ahead.
Break resolutions apart,
and you get the real solution.

Wake up and get a life.

To get a life is like taking one.
So it's best to try it out on oneself first.

I think I should start talking some sense. I have been so uncool for the past half a year or more for not blogging.
Now it's time for me to show all the hardcore people out there who's the one having the time of his life. For these months that have passed, so many things have happened and it's compressed within me for so long.
How I wish that I could just let everything out in terms of gas standing in front of a congested lift with no air ventilation.

Perhaps it is really now, after 6 full seasons of ice lemon tea.
That I have longed to write my return entry since 10 minutes ago.

Annabelle came back from Australia like she was supposed to.
Along with some extra pounds that she brought back together with.

I had not seen her for almost 4 months.
We were apart from each other for so long that I could only remember her name,
and only using a fading image of her in a postcard which I could identify her with.

I was so full of excitement and anticipation during the waiting of her arrival at the airport.
I could barely stand still or sit down in a fixed position calmly.
All that's in my mind was how well she had been and whether or not she had changed.
Be it in appearance or the character herself.

And there she was.
I could spot her from a distance and began to make haste towards her with my arms wide open.
She saw me too, and I could tell that she must be the happiest girl in the world from the look on her face.
As I walked closer and closer,
something strange happened.
When I realized that Annabelle had put on some weight,
my legs started to have a life of their own.
my legs made a U-turn and my whole body swirled around accordingly. My arms were still wide open but I am already walking in the opposite direction.

Annabelle was stunned and stopped just 4 metres away.
It was then that my love for her got the better side of me.

I made another U-turn and took the sky train back to the previous terminal. I rushed back to where she was standing and at the same time thinking of how magical our love for each other was.

No lah.
Just part of my imagination.
I wasn't there when she touched down.

The truth was...
I wouldn't be able to control my tears when I saw her.
So this may sound cowardly in a way,
but I actually acted a hero stayin at home not crying.

I got my driving license.
I finally get to play racing games in the arcade without my parents standing behind me.

I can say that most of the guys I know, or probably all,
have a license.
But I would have to say Balls to you if there isn't any car for you to drive.
So Gan Jiong to get license for fuck.
Also no car for you to drive.

Must be like me mah.
I got my father's car to drive.
And yet I slowly relag until I almost late twenties liao then go get license.

Lucky for me...
Now I have the luxury of playing the remote control car for up to 15 metres in perimeter.

I am currently in my second job.
The 2nd one after my NS, which I would gladly chop my balls off anytime instead of going through it.
My 1st job was at Tampines interchange MacDonald's.
With a group of friends who love to waste their lives away decomposing there and a Diploma in Terrorist Bombing, I didn't hesitate long enough to send in 30 copies of my resume applying for the same position.

Soon I was there taking orders from all races of people.
Especially those whose guitars sometimes got stuck in between the entrance doors.

I worked for a whole 8 months.
Opposite of Brandon,
who had not worked for a whole 8 months without doing anything else except for masturbating occasionally.

I managed to get a nice working testimonial from my direct supervisor before I left the place.
He was a kind hearted soul who constantly reminded me to approve it in my Friendster profile.

Finding a good job nowadays isn't easy.
I have always classified 3 important factors that will determine how good the job a person can get. The first is the most important whereas the last is the least.
But then again, it still plays a part nonetheless.


The same applies to having sex with the teacher of your level.

It's always unfair when job opportunities are concerned. Some people have better luck than others.
Some are more unfortunate.

Some even turn to gay like Xuguang.

Xuguang is studying at the moment so I supposed next time he would be the better off among us.
Being able to hold parties with tons and tons of boys around him. Stuffing 2 or 3 inside him that kindof thing.

I am also happy to know that some of my friends are doing well.
Some earning more than one might expect, whereas the rest having a reasonable income with a good sense of prospect.

Take for instance,
He is earning so damn well,
that until got one time I remembered.
Just because of a mere $20 that I owed him from a bottle of alcohol the other night, he reminded me as though there was no more tomorrow.
He gave me a feeling that the end of the world was coming and that the last thing he wanted to achieve was to get back his 20 dollars.

Brandon on the other hand,
is doing something different from others.
He needs to travel to Batam to work on weekdays and only comes back during the weekends.

Batam is well known as a place where people go to relieve themselves.
Be it indulging in cheap food or widely accessible sexual activities.

Brandon is working in an Oil industry there.
And if one put the pieces together,
he could be dealing with the oil products that helps in his own lubrication.
God knows what he's doing there that enables him a high income out of no logical reasons.

Without a doubt, he might be present in Xuguang's parties too.

We are no longer in fantasy land anymore.
I would say that most of us are already in the working society and trying hard to pursue a bright future.

Getting the 5 Cs

Country Club

I do not have them yet but,
Having the 5 Ls, I can say that I am almost there.


I am just a nobody.
And Nobody is perfect.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Counting the Days

It's about time.

My baby is coming back in a month on the 22nd of June.
She will return here and never going somewhere far away without me again.

Simply because she is already staying at the opposite end away from me in Singapore.
Travelling from one end to the other is bad enough, not to mention beyond our local boundaries.

Looking forward to seeing her in person.
How much she have grown fatter and all.

Just Look at the crappy hat which she was wearing.
Makes her look so silly.

No way am I gonna wear such a thing like that.
Even if I were to be beaten up badly or to the extent of getting killed in the process.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Liquid Energy

Went to Dble O on 28th April yet again.

Aloysius was with us for the first time after realizing that talking alone wouldn't do him much good.

Jonathan made a new friend.

What attracts a guy alot would be seeing the opposite sex playing her tongue in front of you.
Either the girl is plain sexy or she's still as childish like a kid playing hide and seek.

Obviously, Jonathan was deprived from his childhood.

I drank shots from a syringe which were promoted by a friend in disguise.
Jonathan's new found friend soon turned out to be someone trying to earn a living that night.

The yellow coloured drink was incredibly low in alcoholic content.
Whatever it is or what it's called, I didn't really care.
All I knew was that on top of the other drinks that I was having, the effects were bound to be present one way or another.

I drank a couple of shots and to my surprise, there weren't any left.

It's not nice to be drinking alone by myself and not giving the rest of them have a taste of it.
I would be regarded as a selfish bastard for life and no way was I going to let such a tragic incident happen.
I grabbed the already emptied syringes from the Salesgirl and made my way to the Gents unnoticed.
I was controlling my bladder from bursting as I made my way through the crowd.

I came out of the toilet with the syringes totally refilled,
and hoping that nobody would tell the difference.

Never did I expect what happened next.
It was unbelievable.

Everyone else took one and they were like craving insanely for more.
So much like unleashing the beasts within them.
Like Barbarians who have never taken a sip of fresh water before in their lives.

Need More.
And More.
Need So Much More.

OooO Yeah.

You like it?

Oozing all over.
I know you want it badly.

Look at me in the eye, Bitch.

Stairway to Heaven.

Yeah Baby.

Who's your Daddy?

Just when Jonathan had something to show off about...

Of all things,
this had to happen.

It was a night of fun and laughter.
Not forgetting that,

it was of Serious Brokeback as well.

My mouth was like this throughout the whole night.
It had not closed ever since I sucked on the syringe in a crude manner.

Soon it all came to an end.
While we were walking along the road waiting for a cab to drive us back, we saw the richest guy on the planet.
I am not kidding.
He is the most loaded guy anybody can think of.
Just look at the size of the bed he was sleeping on and tell me if he isn't the luckiest guy to be having all the space for himself.

The only bed which is wider than any king's size bed in the market today.

Went to Dble O on 29th April, the following day, yet again.
And again.

I went there with Brandon, Xuguang, Jonathan, Amanda and her friend Dina.

Amanda and Dina.

Jonathan was posing hard for Cleo's top 50 bachelors when Xuguang suddenly appeared from the side and totally ruined the image.

A 2nd attempt with Xuguang almost getting there.

He was nominated for Survivor's top 50 men from the Caves.

Bling Bling.

Bling Bling.

Like real only.
Not surprised if bought from Pasar Malam or Bugis Street.

In order to blend into the picture, I had to pose in a manner similar to those with an attitude.
It didn't take long for me to finally release the man in me.

That's Xuguang on the left by the way,
looking as gay as ever.

Brandon was wearing the same coloured T-shirt as me.
Actually, the colour isn't exactly the same.
Mine was nicer than his, obviously.

Well, that's what I would do to a guy if we were to share pink nipples, pink pussies or in this case, a pink T-shirt between both of us.
Some things are not meant to be shared if you know what I mean.

A photoshop edited of Brandon himself.
This may look like a normal photo of 2 persons taken together.
But please, do not be deceived.
It is actually done by the wonders of photo editing and merely touching up of the hair, ear ring, makeup etc.

Just kidding.

The person next to Brandon is his cousin. (Or so he claims.)
Now you know where he got his pink T-shirt from.

Jonathan together with 2 lovely ladies.

Brandon saw what was going on and was determined to outdo Jonathan.
He then immediately...

and left Jonathan speechless.

Xuguang saw his friend and went over to take a picture with him.
The image was quite blur but I could still tell that his friend is one of the most handsome guys I have come across.

After the party was over we went to one of the coffeeshops since a few of them wanted to eat.

Xuguang likes to talk about the Army.
In other words,
he likes to talk about guys.

So far, that was the most interesting thing he had described and it was the size of his enlarged asshole caused in camp.

On the other hand,
we managed to catch a glimpse of something coming out from Brandon's piercing.
It appeared to be a strand of hair forcing it's way through the tiny gap with a life of it's own.

According to my estimation, it should have grown into a poisonous mushroom and hanging on his chin by now.